Felipe Massa on his near-fatal crash

Exclusive In his first interview since the accident that left him in a coma, the Ferrari driver insists he will return more determined than ever to win a world titleFelipe Massa traces the skin around the stitched but still dented wound over his left eye as he smiles gently at a question about the nature of fate. He might feel like one of the luckiest men alive, at home in his glittering apartment in São Paulo on a rainy September afternoon. Yet high in the sky, close to the ominous clouds that shroud this vast and sprawling city, Massa could brood equally over the extreme misfortune that saw a flying spring smash into his head at 170mph six weeks ago during a practice lap at the Hungarian grand prix."You need to think about luck in different ways," Massa suggests before pausing. "I was actually very unlucky with the spring in my face," he says. "But I was very lucky as well. Every doctor said the same. If the spring had gone one millimetre to the right I would have lost my sight. One millimetre to the left and who knows? I could have been brain damaged. So I was very lucky. And this is more important because it is my life."His gaze, nearly blinded in Hungary, sweeps from the imposing skyline to the trophies and helmets placed alongside his wife's huge books on fashion and the modern art lining the pristine white walls. Knowing that this apartment will soon be filled with the cries and gurgles of their first child, Massa flashes one of his most engaging grins. He might be talking of an old rival against whom he no longer holds any grudge rather than the hurtling metal that snapped off Rubens Barrichello's car and almost killed him on 25 July. Weighing the same as a small bag of sugar, but careering into his helmet with deadening force, the spring knocked Massa cold at the wheel of his speeding Ferrari. It led to an induced coma with Hungarian surgeons warning that his condition was "critical" and "life-threatening".In contrast to those bleak diagnoses his cheerful mood is obvious as his wife, Rafaela, drifts past. It is an almost giddy experience to hear Massa talking so vividly, to see him looking so strong just days before he re-enters hospital in São Paulo. He now faces another operation to implant a titanium infused plate in his head so that, next season, he will be ready to race again for Ferrari.Yet it is also hard to shake the feeling that Massa remains dangerously consumed by racing. The great drivers, addicted to speed and seemingly inured to fear and risk, are not ordinary men but surely an accident this serious has affected him psychologically? Has he detected even a small change in himself?"No," he says defiantly, before laughing. "Not at all. I remember in hospital when I woke up in the beginning. I had an oxygen mask to help me breathe. All the time I was lifting the mask and putting it here …"Massa points to his head, making a gesture that suggests he turned his oxygen mask into a clown's hat. He shakes his head, as if he cannot believe how blackly comic the scene must have appeared in that hushed hospital room in Budapest. "And then my wife would come and put the mask back over my face. But, straightaway, I would lift it on to my head. I had some friends with us and they were laughing because she kept trying to put it back over my face. And the third time I did it I looked at her and said, 'What a pain in the ass!' Rafaela looked at our friends and said, 'No, he's the same! He's the same!'"He might be blase about his own instinctive reaction to being taken to hospital but Massa reveals how he and Rafaela had been troubled by the death of the British driver Henry Surtees at Brands Hatch, six days before his own accident. It was, again, grimly freakish as a tyre flew off a rival Formula Two car and struck the head of the 18-year-old Surtees.Massa shudders for the first time. "I was very touched by his death. And I told my wife straightaway about the accident of Henry. I said to her, 'Listen, this is what you need to be worried about. This is something you have no control over. It is not like a normal accident.' And then a week after that … [he claps his hands and laughs] … it happened to me. She remembered straightaway what I had said."When I first told her about Henry she was a bit scared. She said, 'It's unbelievable – how did this wheel come away like this?' I said, 'Listen, this is like if you have an accident on the road – if somebody hits you when you least expect it. Like they jump the red light and then hit you.' There's nothing you can do."Massa sent the Surtees family a heartfelt message on the Monday after Henry's death. He smiles ruefully at the irony. "They sent a thank you after my message – but then they sent me a very nice message after my accident."Surtees was tragically unlucky; Massa was more fortunate but he believes the coincidence of two outlandish accidents is a warning. "We need to look for improvements. I'm not saying we need to cover [the cockpit] completely. But maybe there are some other things we can do to the car to stop a wheel hitting your head. When I come back this is something I want to discuss with Charlie Whiting [Formula One's race director], the FIA and the drivers – because we all need to work together."Massa is even more thoughtful when describing the terrible ordeal endured by his family. "It was much more difficult for them than me. When my wife saw the accident on television the first thing she did was put the volume down, completely, because she didn't want to hear anything. She was already calling my secretary to organise the flight – because she knew it was bad. Rafaela knows if I stay in the car after an accident it is strange. I always try to show some sign. She was very scared but, organising the flight, her adrenaline was so high. When she got to the airport, and heard I was in surgery, she was crying like crazy then. She couldn't stop."Rafaela was joined by Massa's parents and, alongside his Brazilian doctor, Dino Altman, they flew to Budapest. "My father, he is a man, and at least he did some racing. He has an understanding that allows him to think differently. But my mother was so bad. My mother never watches the start of my races – because she fears for me."Despite his astonishingly rapid recovery his family are besieged by anxiety as he prepares to return next year to the grid. Massa, in contrast, burns with conviction. "Of course," he smiles. "It is my life."For me, the worst thing that happened was not being able to race. If you can't drive that's terrible. But my wife has already asked me, at least 10 times, 'Are you sure you don't feel any doubts or worries?' Always, I say, 'No – because this is what I like to do.' If I don't drive then I am not the same person. Ever since I was a small boy this is my life. This is what I like to do. So I really hope, and expect, nothing will change inside of me when I go back into the car and start pushing myself to the maximum again."Has there not been a single day, even an hour, in which he has hesitated? "No. For my family it was very difficult because they followed everything and went through a lot. But for me it was less than that. As soon as it happened I was unconscious and three days later I woke up. In hospital I saw nothing of the accident. It was just Hungarian television channels. I only heard what they said happened to me. And for me this was strange – can a spring from another car really do this to a bone in my head?"I first saw it when I got home on television – just like you. But I had other accidents that disturbed me a lot more. When I lost the brakes in Monaco in 2002 it was a huge crash. And I crashed twice in Barcelona because I had a problem with my suspension – and that was an accident that made me think. But this accident in Hungary is like something I never even saw. So my wife was only asking gentle questions, like, 'You don't think maybe â€¦ ?' And I say, 'No, I am racing again.' My mother also knows me a lot. Sometimes she is looking at me and thinking but she knows not to ask."The extent to which Massa has missed competing is illustrated by his reaction to the first race after the Hungarian grand prix – when he yearned to drive at Valencia. "It was very difficult. I watched it here on TV with my computer on my lap so that I could check the lap times. There is a five-hour time difference so I wake at five in the morning to watch the practice on Friday."Even Massa looks briefly stunned by his own fervour so soon after the coma. "Unbelievable," he murmurs.If it was down to him, rather than his doctors, Massa would make his return in this season's penultimate race – at his home grand prix in Brazil, at Interlagos, not far from where he lives. There are three races before then, with the next grand prix on Sunday at Monza. Massa dutifully welcomes the arrival of Giancarlo Fisichella as his latest temporary replacement and suggests the Italian can help Ferrari in pursuit of third place in the constructors' championship."But it will be much worse when I have to watch the race in Brazil. That was the race I wanted to come back in but it's difficult to say if it would've been possible."Will he be at Interlagos, despite his pain at missing a race he won last year – only to lose the drivers' championship by a single point when Lewis Hamilton secured fifth place on the very last corner of the season? "It will be difficult to watch it," he concedes, "but I will be there."Last week Massa returned from a battery of neurological tests in Miami – that provided absolute confirmation that he is almost ready to resume his career. "Actually, I am OK. The only problem is I need surgery to close a bone in my head that they had taken away because it was completely damaged. A normal guy can live like this without any problem. But for a driver, if you have an accident and you have this problem, the recovery is more difficult. That's why I need this surgery to close the bone. I will have it soon because that's the only reason they won't allow me to race now. Otherwise I feel the same as before. I'm going to Europe to use the simulator and drive some go-karts and then I will know very well if I'm 100%."Massa appears without doubt that a seemingly routine operation will clear his last remaining obstacle. His competitive instincts, meanwhile, remain razor-sharp. Asked to reflect on the battle for the drivers' title, with Jenson Button being chased by his team-mate, Barrichello, and Red Bull's Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber, Massa is scathing in assessing the British driver's slump – that has seen Button's lead appear increasingly shaky. Even though his rivals have failed to capitalise, and he remains 16 points ahead, Button seems fretful.Does he believe Barrichello can overtake Button? "Look at me – I came to Brazil six points behind [Hamilton], and I almost won the championship. That was one race. Rubens has five races to close 16 points. It's a big possibility. But it depends on Jenson. If Jenson carries on in this bad way it will help Rubens a lot. In my opinion, Jenson has gone down because of the pressure. It's the only reason."At the start of the season everything was nice, everything was easy. He was in a new team winning six out of the first seven races. That's different to fighting hard for the championship. Now he has a different kind of pressure. In the earlier races he was almost half a second quicker than some teams. You win the race easy and there is not so much pressure. But now we have races where things are more difficult. So for me the pressure has had a big impact on his mind – and he needs to deal with it better. If he does not cope with the pressure he will not win the championship."Does he feel that Button has buckled so badly he will be unable to regain his lost momentum? Massa shrugs. "It's difficult to talk about another driver. I know Jenson but I don't know him so well. But I'm hoping for Rubens, of course. He's Brazilian – and he is my friend."This has been a strange season for Formula One; but for Massa it has been a year like no other. Beyond his crash, the 28-year‑old is preparing to become a father. "I am very excited. The baby is due just after the middle of November – and we know it is a boy. We will call him Felipe. I don't think I will ever forget 2009 because of this crash and, more importantly, becoming a father. Positive things come out of even the most difficult times." When I last met Massa, in Bahrain, just before the season began, he spoke of his belief that "our lives are already written" – and how that philosophical outlook had allowed him to deal with the anguish of losing the title to Hamilton so cruelly. That same positively fatalistic approach has strengthened him these last six weeks."That's the way I always think," he stresses, looking across the city where he first learned to race. "Everything in life has a meaning. If something bad happens it's because you need to learn, to grow. My life was once very difficult – when you think of the position I used to be in and what I had to do to arrive where I am now in my professional career. It was very difficult to reach this point. I had many races in the various categories where I knew if I did not win then I would not get to race in the next race because I did not have the money. So a lot happened that helped me become stronger. I think there is a reason for this accident. At the moment I don't quite know what it is but …"Massa's voice fades away in the certainty that clarity will finally emerge. Does he believe he will eventually become world champion to cap his remarkable recovery? "Always," he smiles. "Even more now. I have to believe it. I have always believed my whole life I will become a champion in whatever field I am racing. Formula One is the same. I will try very hard."On the drive back downtown, countless murals feature the image of Ayrton Senna, São Paulo's great lost son. Beyond the motorway and the tunnel named after him, these giant murals loom as a more haunting reminder that he was the last Formula One driver to lose his life on the track – at Imola in 1994. Fifteen years later another racer from this city almost became the next to die.This weekend, as racing resumes in Italy, Massa will appreciate that his recent fate has been shaped by luck that is more good than bad. If he was incredibly unlucky to have been struck by that potentially lethal spring, he is fortunate to wish he could be driving at Monza. And he now knows that, next year, he will be racing again, as fast and bent on victory as always. His wife, who will then also be a mother, might watch in silent dread but Massa insists he shall push himself to the limit again.As the images of Senna flattened and blurred against the window of a speeding car, Massa's voice echoed again. Asked one last time why he will race on, he had laughed softly. "This is my life," Massa reiterated when we said goodbye. "This is me."Formula OneFerrariFelipe MassaJenson ButtonBrawnMotor sportDonald McRaeguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2009 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds

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